The Enchanted Self

Monday Happiness for Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

This is my cool mirror. It’s a favorite quote of mine, that I found in the ‘bloom’ book (compendium)- “may you be truly blessed to always glitter with a radiance that shines from deep within you. Barbara Becker Holstein”. I got this mirror at Ikea, and Emily has a friend that has a vinyl cutting business, and they did this for me. those of you from my year-long BPS class will recognize this! I LOVE it.  from Heidi's blog

I was shocked to come upon this wondeful blog where Heidi had chosen one of my quotes as a favorite of hers and even had it put on her mirror for her.  It is one thing to send out blessings every week.  It is another thing to see where they land.  Often times I never know.  Did my blessing land on a person or in a garbage heap?  Did it do any good?  Did it create a positive vibration that gave someone an uplifting moment?  Well today I know that my blessing has landed!  It is in Heidi's home on a mirror and it is on her blog so others can read it and hopefully feel their own radiance from deep within and let it shine! 

Yes, it is Monday and this is true happiness! 

'The Truth, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything' Encourages Using our Memories in Positive Ways to Know Oursevles

After reading The Truth, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything, a young woman of 23 wrote the following to me:

 

"I liked when the narrator would make lists about herself - values she wants to keep, and things about herself she's proud of. I never even though to do anything like that because I always felt boring and uninteresting. If that were an activity children would practice often, I think they'd develop a better habit of focusing on the positive things rather than the negative things about themselves, and others. We didn't do a whole lot of that at school. If we did, I don't remember being included... "  Anonymous,  New Jersey

The Truth, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything inspires different girls, moms and women in different ways.  For the young women quoted here, she enjoyed thinking about the value of making positive lists.  She wishes that children would have more opportunities to do so.  She suggests it would lead to more positive thinking habits.  She is absolutely right!  And remember it is never to late.  So let's all get involved in the practice of thinking positively.

Practice Date With Yourself

 

Start a list of all the things you are good at.  Try to add at least two items a day.  For example:

 

Able to get up on time when the alarm rings

Use coupons wisely when food shopping

Cheer up people when they are sad

Good at giving kids quick baths

A good friend

Can think fast

 

Ok, now that is just a sample.  The real list is yet to be created.  It is your list! 

Summer Enchanted Moments and Memories

It is one thing to have an Enchanted Moment.  (I fully discuss Enchanted Moments in my book, THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy.  We all need to experience them as often as possible.  An enchanted moment can be as simple as sitting on your porch, feeling content, watching the leaves rustle in the trees and maybe saying a pleasant ‘hello’ to a neighbor.  Or an Enchanted Moment can be BIG like being with your baby when she takes her first steps, right into your arms or being called up onto the stage for an award you weren’t expecting.

Living the moment is one thing, recalling it and using the memory to heighten your positive emotions in the present is quite another.  That means learning how to use an Enchanted Moment to boost your mood, and to heighten your sense of pleasure in the ’now’ moment. 

I can give you one example of using an Enchanted Moment from the past for heightening the present and the fascinating thing is that it wasn’t even mine.  The memory comes from someone else’s mind.  I heard the memory on public radio years ago.  A woman was talking about growing up in either India or Pakistan.  She was saying how on really hot days her grandmother would give the kids a delicious  cool tea drink that seemed to cool them off rather nicely.  Then the children (I think there were three of them) would all lie down on a big bed in the home that the generational family shared.  The grandma would close the blinds and the fan would be going.  And even though it was so hot outside in the middle of the day, they would have the most delicious nap.  The breeze recreated by the fan was just enough, lying on the cool sheets.  They would wake up refreshed and infused with happiness. 

I think about this Enchanted Moment a lot.  I see a room decorated with beautiful wood furniture from India.  I see the grandma dressed in a traditional costume of light silk material.  She has on bangles on her arms that make a soft tickling noise.  The kids change out of their day clothes and put on lightweight pajamas to take a nap.  I see the grandma closing the shutters and I can hear exotic birds singing outside of the window.  And I can taste the cool tea drink and the sweet cookies that are served with the drink.  I can hear the children laughing and begging for a story from the old days before they fall asleep.  And I can see the blue sky through the cracks in the shutter.  And it all feels so good with so many exotic aromas.  Not just a noisy air conditioner and a television on in the next room.

So you see,  how I have used someone else’s memory to create an Enchanted emotional moment for myself.  I hope you have enjoyed this moment and will practice bringing similar moments into your mind, whether they are from your past or someone else’s.

Women Power Talk Radio interviews Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein on The Enchanted Self

 http://www.womenpower-radio.com/wprtalk/WPRNews061208.htm   You have got to listen to my interview with Raven on Women Power Talk Radio at the above address.  Just scroll down and you will see the interview archived. We cover so many inspirational ways to apply ENCHANTED SELF methods to your life, today!  Raven is a remarkable woman.  She herself is a living example of an Enchanted Self Woman.  She is living out her dream and so can you!  Let me know what you think of the interview. 

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com

"Cute Shoes!" A signal for Happiness that goes with The Enchanted Self

I was with a young woman who had on the most adorable sandals.  They had a cute wedge hell and pretty straps and I just felt good looking at her move in them.  I said to her, "Wow, I love your shoes.  They are so cute."  She said, "I always feel happy when I wear these shoes.  I wore them three times to the islands and everytime had a great vaction.  Just wearing them brings me back to those great times!"

I said to her that is exactly what The Enchanted Self is all about-recognizing what makes us happy and making sure we bring it into our lives again and again.  In her case she used her positive memories and tied them to a physical object-her shoes.  But even if the shoes no longer existed, she could still use her memory and remember them and get a good feeling.  I talk all about these ways to happiness in my first book, THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy, and on my website, www.enchantedself.com

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com

I saw 'Sex and the City'

Well it finally happened.  A dear friend agreed to go with me to see Sex and the City and off we went.  The settings were great, the clothing was glamorous but best of all it was good to be back with Carrie, and her  friends.  I am not going to say much more about the movie, as you should be able to see if with fresh eyes when you go, not mine.  But the concept of deep female friendship as essential to our health and well-being is such a wonderfully dominant theme in the movie that I must talk about it.  Yes, the concept is valid and we really need our girlfriend.  They help us laugh, cry, figure things out, feel understood and add meaning to the stories of our lives. 

I was going through some of my papers from THE ENCHANTED SELF files.  Suddenly I came across a letter than a wonderful women had written to me in September of l997.  She herself, was about 89 at the time she wrote to me.  Here is a little of what she said:  "Reminiscing with old friends or family members, each recalling something you've long forgotten equals suddenly having your spirit soar....don't put off this great joy that has such physical as well as spiritual and curative powers....

How wise she was!  I noticed in the audience at the movies that the women were of all ages.  Some were early twenties, and many more middle age or older.  Yes, we all know The Truth at some very deep level-we need each other and sharing ourselves makes our own identity more real and our own experience of being alive more meaningful.  This is something I have been teaching women since I wrote PositivThe Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy.  And it is one of the gateways to happiness in my paper,  The Seven Gateways to Happiness, which you can download for free on my site.

Now if only I could dress like Samantha for awhile.  I won't even imagine dressing like Carrie as the last time I was almost that  thin I had just had my appendix out at 12 and weighed 110 lbs.

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com

Mother and Daughter talk on "Kids, Tweens and Teens, A Positive Psychologist looks at all three" about The Truth, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything

Robin and Rachel made my day on Monday.  They were my guests on my radio show, Kids Tweens and Teens on www.internetvoicesradio.com  We pre-recorded the show that will will air next Monday, June 9th at 4:30 PM EDT and then be archived 24/7.  What made the discussion so special was getting a chance to talk to both a mother and a daughter who had read The Truth, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything.  Their reactions were such fun.  You will hear Robin discuss how the book made her remember her first crush which she hadn't thought of in years, and then you will her Rachel chat about how she identified with the girl, even in secret things she does that nobody knows about. Rachel also will share her promises that she has made to herself for her future.  Both talk about how to utilize the book as a discussion tool for moms and kids. 

As an author it isn't always so easy.  You write the book at some deep level of concentration and meaning.  You agonize in ways that the public never knows-what word here?  What should stay in the final draft?  What needs to go?  Who will read it?  Will anyone read it?  And then finally it is out and still there is agony.  Who likes it?  Do kids like the book?  Do moms?  Does it have the punch that a great book does? 

And then the universe sends a present by special delivery.  In this case the present was Robin and Rachel.   Their reactions confirmed what every author needs and hopes to hear.  The book works!  And best of all, it works for both kids and adults.  And that is unique.  I'm blessed.  Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com

Radio Show: Kids, Tweens and Teens, A Positive Psychologist Looks at All Three on www.internetvoicesradio.com

Women's Happiness and Sex and the City

I haven't seen the movie yet, but my head is still full of Sex and the City.  I was invited to go to the opening night with some friends from my adult ballet class.  Unfortunately, I couldn't go. I was so disappointed.  Lots of groups of friends are going dressed in character.  And then going out for a drink or dinner.  I think that is great.  Perhaps I can still find some friends to go with.  I'm hearing that the movie is complex and that there are many ups and downs for each of the four women.  And I'm beginning to be concerned about Carrie's wedding.  Does it really take place?  No, don't tell me.  I have to live it for myself. 

I've read commentary that Sex and the City is all about the power of friendship between women.  I agree, yet  as a positive psychologist in practice for over 25 years, I betieve that it is also about the desire and need on a women's part to find ways to come into her own as a person while still holding on to the valuable parts of her earlier self.  This is a profound issue in development.  We go through the process again and again.  For example, in my book, The Truth, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything, the girl is desperately trying to find a way to hold on to herself as she begins to grow and change, heading straight for adolescense.  She already feels the power of the shift toward what my radio guest from last week, on Kids, Tweens and Teens, A Positive Psychologist Looks at All Three, called "The Storm."  She is afraid and confused and yet the storm is coming.  It has to.  And it is the same with the developmental stages of adulthood.  Getting married, even living with a guy, having a baby, all of these steps force us into dilemmas, both real and metaphysical that make us less steady, at least for a way with our core identities.  A new mother simply can not 'run five miles every day' necessarily, even though for years that may have felt like an integral part of her.  A wife will be dealing with a new deck of emotional cards that include not just her husband, but her in-laws, her husband's best friends, etc. 

So I am fascinated to see how Carrie and her friends deal with their identities as they move forward in time and situations.  Meanwhile, time is passing. I better see when and who I am going with!  I'll keep you posted.  Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com

"You just get to be a girl"

On TV this am 'Samantha', one of th stars in Sex and the City, was being interviewed.  She commented that the movie and the show was so wonderful because "You just get to be a girl!"  She then went on to say that we all want that.  All women want the fun of beautiful clothes and best friends and everything turning out just right.

As a positive psychologist and author of The Truth, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything, I agree with her.  This is a tremendous yearning in women to belong, to have dear friends, to let the playful, girly side of themselves stay alive, even when we grow up.  In fact when a women stops caring for herself in terms of making a nice appearance, often it is a signal that the woman is depressed.  Women are able to laugh, cry and share intensely all sorts of feelings and of course even though we grow up we yearn for happy endings and beginnings in our lives.  And where does all of this begin? 

In girlhood of course.  And that where my book dovetails Sex and the City.  The Truth, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything is a book where you see a girl putting down in writing her understanding of all the wonderful parts of herself so she can hold on to them.  She knows she is smart, can have fun, can solve problems, can fall in love, can have adventures, can be pretty, can star, can have best friends.  She knows all of this in her gut and she is aware that sometimes these capacities get lost as we grow up. 

Samantha and her friends document that we can hold on to the best of ourselves.  And at worst if we loss some of our precious selves we can at least come and borrow the energy they exude and get recharged.  And if we can't look as beautiful as they do, at least we can enjoy looking at them. 

Stay posted for more of the Positive Psychologist's insights on us 'girls'.  Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

www.enchantedself.com

I'm Dreaming of Sex and the City!

It is 10:30 PM.  If I am lucky, at 11:30 I'll get to see a re-run of Sex and the City.  It might be from early in the show, or maybe from the middle of the series, or toward the end.  I won't know until it starts.  And I won't even care.  I can go backward and forward in time with the girls and I'm not confused at all.  It actually doesn't seem to matter.  Whereever they are at, I'm at also.  I never saw the series when it was on.  It is only in the last year that I discovered Carrie and her friends.  Many a mediocre day has improved as the clock moved toward midnight because of them.  I'm a positive psychologist and I am determined to figure out why I am so happy when I watch that show.  Let's talk about this subject.  Who else is happy watching the reruns?  Who else can't wait to buy the movie?  I'll be back!!! Got to move fast now on some other chores so I'll be ready to enjoy at 11:30!  Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com